Monday, June 29, 2009

Home from Shalom Mountain

This past week I attended a Sexuality and Spirituality retreat at Shalom Mountain, a place of emotional and spiritual healing in the Catskill Mountains of NY. (Please google it and check it out.) Now, I hadn't selected this retreat to attend. It selected me. I was planning on attending the Women's Festival there the weekend before (a decision I made spontaneously while biking to CrossFit one morning of the week before). Then on the day I was to leave, I got a call from the Shalom inviting me to attend because they needed more women for this retreat and offering it to me at a reduced rate. One quick call to my sister-in-law (a long time Shalomer) and she convinced me I would benefit from this work. So, not one to pass up the opportunity for an experience or an adventure, I said yes. Not know what I was getting into!

During the Women's Festival, I kept hearing "the best retreat on the mountain" over and over again, from women. So I was beginning to get anticipatory. Now I'm not going to go in to details about this retreat, surprise is part of the experience I believe, but I do want to say that all the right people were there to bring to me awareness of a sexual trauma issue that I thought had no longer ramifications. I became aware that when I was molested as a young girl by my gramma's brother and told her of it, she told me to just stay close to her. Nothing more was said about it in my presence and my parents were never informed of the incident. I discovered this weekend that that incident formulated a pattern I've exhibited the rest of my life: silence when threatened by anyone (sexual or otherwise), hiding behind my grandmother's skirt for fear of being injured. Hide. Run away. Do not confront. Do not say No. Do not address the issue.

This weekend I painfully addressed an injurer with the support of my sisters and the understanding of my brothers, and my family group standing at my back. Big step. Growth is very painful. But the initial outcome of speaking my truth and not wanting or allowing the injurer to speak was a division of the group, a disconnect that I was unwilling and unable to mend. "Jagged edges" one attending called it. I had used all my strength and all my voice in speaking up. I had nothing left to protect myself from his words. There was nothing he could say that would make what he did okay for me. NOTHING. And I didn't want to honor him with allowing him the honor of speaking to me. As emotions in the group rose, I wanted to run and hide. What had my speaking up caused? Look at this pain on this group of people that I love. And yet, to take care of myself first, I had to stay strong in my belief that he not speak to me. To allow that would have been a co-dependent action on my part, another issue I wrestle with. The retreat leaders were even divided and in their own pain. But in the talent of Shalom, they were able to let us end the process right there and allow time and the universe to decide what needed to happen next in this process. Speaking one's truth is soooo scary and I won't always have the support that I had that night. But I intend never to be quiet again. If someone injures me, I will protect myself. I will say no, you cannot do that to me. And I will do it in my womanly power, not from the scared little girl.

Let me also say that the following morning I went from fear of this man to compassion which I was able to express only after knowing that the issue would not be dropped or swept under the rug, but picked up by a sister and processed off the mountain. I could put my sword and armor down and begin my healing because she was taking up my battle for me. Thank you, sister!

Growth, painful and necessary.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

From Clear Creek to North Rim - the rest of the hike

The ground out at Clear Creek was what I expected, not stake-friendly.  And my tent requires stakes, 6 of them to stand up.  But there were rocks aplenty.  So that was what I used.  Rocks and my bear line.  But since I don't want to cut my bear line, that requires me to go from point to point making ties that aren't cut.  Somehow it worked and my tent was standing...all night.  
The night out at Clear Creek wasn't without it's excitement.  I'm used to having to keep my food away from mice, chipmonks, groundhogs, and bears.  That's why we hang our food in the east.  When we checked in at the Back Country Office for the GC, they said ravens are the worst offender and hanging your food is like making an offering to them.  They will peck it clean. 
 They said the best thing to do was keep it in your tent with you.  You've got to be kidding!  Rule #1: Don't put your food in your tent.  Oh, well, the rangers know best.  NOT.  I was asleep when I heard scampering around my head.  Thinking it was outside my tent, I opened my eyes.  "Oh, god! A rat's in my tent!"  Well, it looked like a rat when it was inches from my eyes!  Yup, a mouse.  And he had a treat.  And he wanted out.  I opened the door and watched him try to find how he had gotten in.  It took a few moments and me moving away from the doorway before he scampered out with his treasure.  I checked the mesh and couldn't find any holes so he must have gotten in when I had the door strapped open to let in the cool evening breezes.  And then I must have zipped him in.  Okay, guys.  I'm not sleeping with my food.  The last time I had my pack in my tent was on the Appalachian Trail when a mouse woke me sitting on my lips.  That's not happening again.  Were hanging this food. Now I've forgotten what the ranger lady had said about ravens and can only think about getting my food hung from the mice.  Roger had brought picture wire just for this job.  Let's give it a try.  Worked like a charm, or at least looked like it would.  By morning we had our proof.  Our food was fine and I slept alone, thank goodness this time.

As usual, the guys were up before first light.  I always tried to stay in the sack a while longer because I knew I'd just be waiting for them now or later...and I love to stay in bed.  Once ready to move, we had to hike out of this canyon, and we knew it wasn't going to be an easy hike.  Loose shale, straight up.  Let's get it over with.  Not as bad as I thought.  One foot after the other.  Like most things in life, yes?  For whatever reason going back is always faster than coming out.  Perhaps it's because you recognize the landmarks.  And the timing was exactly the same as the on the way out.  I counted the "hollers" or mountain curves we had to go in and out of all the way back to where the other guys quit.  Fifteen of them, I think.  No wonder we were getting discouraged last night thinking this hike would never end.  

The canyon looks different when you hike it at different times of day and come at it from another direction.  We were now seeing it in morning light on the way back and saw many things that we hadn't seen before.  Different rock formations.  Different flowers.  Different canyons.  But the sight was always awe-inspiring.  

We got back to Bright Angel Campgroud by 1 pm I think and I stopped at the Phantom Ranch canteen for a lemonade with ICE in it!  What a treat.  Not much ice in the GC.  Took a photo of the thermometer as I passed by and it read 98 degrees.  I thought it was a bit warm!  The rest of our crew had gotten back at 8:30 am and picked a campsite...one much bigger than our first,  blessed be.  It was a jigsaw puzzle putting 6 tents on our first site here.  Now rest, and talk, and walk, and wander.  Lazy, easy afternoons after the hiking's done.  And napping. 


When we rejoined the other half of our group we found out that Bill's hipbelt buckle had broken and that Edge had improvised a way of keeping Bill and his pack together:  tie the buckle closed with a boot lace.  Of course, that required tying and untying Bill into and out of his pack every time he wanted to take it off...for a rest, for a pee, for whatever.  But since we had a few more days of our hike, what other option did we have?


 And that evening we went back to hear Ranger Matt talk about condors this time.  If anyone can make a nature talk interesting, it's this guy!  What a ham!  So we learned about the near extinction, removal, then reintroduction of the condors into the GC.  He even demonstrated the distinct, unrecognizable differences between an eagle and a condor soaring above....nothing:^)  I get my giggles watching everyone think they need lights to walk back to their abodes.  If they'd only turn them off, they'd find out they can see better by the light of the moon.  I had to wait until all the cyclops left the area so I could see unaffected by headlights.  What a peaceful night deep in the canyon, the walls reaching up high on either side of me.  I sat for a moment on a bench by the creek just soaking up the quiet, the spirituality, the ancient memories.  I wish I had language to capture the deep emotions I often feel.  And this is one of those moments.

Ranger nights we stay up later than usual, but the guys were up before dawn.  And off we headed to Cottonwood Campground, halfway up the North Rim at 6 am.  It's always about
 beating the heat in the canyon.  We only had temps in the 90's, mostly low 90's and that was about 15 degrees below normal.  How lucky was that?  Pretty darn lucky, I say!  This day's hike was wandering mostly along the Bright Angel Canyon as it winds its way north.  Often it seemed we should be coming the end of the canyon and around a bend and it kept going.  

 

The highlight of the day was getting to Ribbon Falls.  We chose hiking the trail instead of going over the bridge and it gave us a chance to do some creek wading.  The cool water was refreshing to our overheated bodies.  And then the falls!  What an unbelievable sight.  The water pours down from above and hits a large multi-story thumb shaped rock thats covered in moss.  The photo hardly does it justice.  
The creek that formed from the base rolled down over the rocks making a delightful bathtub in which to cool off.  Stay or go?  
The campsites get taken up quickly and we get left with too small a site for so many tents.  Better get going.  

Cottonwood campground is a wide spot on the trail.  There's a ranger's house there, but she's not around.  There's a 4 door outhouse and pumped in drinking water, and sites, mostly without shade.  Arrgghhh!  We find a small one with a tiny bit of shade at this early afternoon hour and we move the picnic table into the shade.  The site for 7 or more campers is open, but the ranger's not around to ask if we could take that.  So being the law-abiding citizens that we are, we don't.  Edge and I decide that this is a great place to sleep tentless, or cowboy camp.  I don't want to think about the scorpions I've been told scurry around at night...so I don't.  What a beautiful night sky with more stars than I think I've ever seen at once.  This is my favorite way to sleep.  Truly out under the stars.  


The hardest climb of the hike is going to be the last day.  It's going to take quite awhile to get up to the north rim.  Longer for some of us, so we decide to get as early a start as possible.  5 am.  We shot for it, but ended up breaking camp at 5:30 and many others were already on the trail.  Now we're climbing out of Bright Angel Canyon.  Up and up and up...all day.  And it's getting hotter and hotter.  Today for the first time, the clouds don't come rolling in later in the morning.  No reprieve.  We've broken up in to three groups and I'm in a group all by myself.  Which is okay with me.  I'm ready for solitude.  I put my iPod on and start grooving to my tunes.  But I get so emotional seeing these awesome views, hearing tearjerking music, and feeling tired but happy from the strenuous climbing...I start to cry.  Oh, no, some people are coming down the trail.  Don't want them to see the tears.  They'll think I'm crying because the hike is too hard.  I'm crying because I'm happy and sad all at the same time.  Happy because look where I am!  Happy because I'm with wonderful new friends.  Happy because I'm hiking.  Sad because my life is in an upheaval.  Sad because I don't know where I'm going.  Sad because even though I have friends, I'm all alone, disconnected, afloat.

Oh, no, mule tracks, mule poop, mule pee!  What a mess they make of the trail.  Up and up, from shade spot to shade spot.  Rest, then hike on.  Up and up.   Is that the reflection of a car I see?  I think it is!  Is that the top?  I'm out!  Yippeee!  What a fabulous hike!

I'm so glad our new friends, Chris and Aaron, will be giving us a ride to the campground up here.  The sign says 1/2 mile, but it's more like a mile and 1/2.  Liars!  And here they have huge campsites, but limit the tents to 3.  Go figure!  Must be a different bureaucratic office than the one that manages the campgrounds in the canyon.  And the lodge with gift shops, restaurants, etc. is another mile away with no shuttle.  The North Rim is not a hiker friendly place in my estimation.  You need a car up here.  Oh well, we'll manage, and we do.  

Almost missed a highlight up here, Bright Angel Point.  Luckily Chris said it was one of the top views of his hike, so Edge and I checked it out.  This narrow, white rocked ridge line reaches out into the canyon with incredible views on each side of this peninsula about 1/4 mile long.  It definitely got my vertigo riled up, but I wouldn't have missed it.  We were able to see the Bright Angel Canyon and where we hiked out the last 2 days.  

Getting home from the North Rim is not an easy trip.  Four and 1/2 hour bus trip to the South Rim, 2 hour car ride to Flagstaff, two and 1/2 hour car ride to Phoenix, one hour shuttle ride to the airport, and 7 hour flight home.  Whew!  





And now I'm resting up for Iowa and RAGBRAI.

Step Lightly,  Bag Lady

Friday, June 5, 2009

The Blooming of a Wonder Woman


I first met Madeline's dad, Joe, at the Phantom Ranch in the Grand Canyon.  He mentioned he and his 11 year old daughter were hiking out to Clear Creek the next day.  So were we!  He also said there were ruins out there.  If you read the blog I posted yesterday, you'll already know that I couldn't find them.  But I'm getting off the subject of Madeline Falley of Kansas City, Kansas.

Even though half of our group could not complete the hike all the way to Clear Creek, Madeline did!  And that makes her a "blooming wonder woman"  and the world needs more young girls like Madeline.  This hike was strenuous, challenging, and downright dangerous.  We hiked along the edges of a steep mountain on loose, crumbling shale with the path only a the width of one of our feet - and that was on a slant down the hill.  

And Madeline made it!  You go, girl!  It took them over 10 hours, but they persisted (kudos to Dad for tying Madeline to him, and pushing onward).  

 And when Madeline and I met up, we went swimming up the creek - just us girls!

Girl Power!  This young lady was on an 8 day rim to rim hike of the Grand Canyon, and at only 11 years of age.   Keep up the good work, Madeline.  Forever be as strong and as adventurous as you are today!  It will take you far in life.

Hugs,  Kathryn (aka Bag Lady)

Thursday, June 4, 2009

5 Days Hiking Rim to Rim - the executive summary

This pic wasn't taken in Grand Canyon becuz I didn't take my iPhone, but of looks like this there so it will have to do for now. Friday, 6:30 a.m. we put our packs on our backs and stepped off the edge into the abyss. OMG!  OMG!  OMG!  We couldn't say it often emough!  The views were so spectacular. And I've seen them before. But it's breathtaking every time.   And down, and down, and down we went for 7 hours, for 8 miles. I think our pace was so slow because we kept stopping and saying OMG!  When we neared the bottom, we met up with the mules. We were on the South Kaibab Trail and for now no mules are on it while it's undergoing maintenance. The mules are cool to see but smelly to follow: poop and pee!  And they make the trail terribly dusty and not fun to hike on. At the bottom is the Colorado River, a greyish green sludgy mess with a powerful current. Three boys died I'm it this year attempting to swim across it. The Bright Angel Campground is nestled in the canyon along with Phantom Ranch, a rustic resort with quaint cabins and community dining hall.


Our hiking days started early (everyone else up around 4 a.m. but yours truly who's got this morning pack up routine slept in an extra hour). We would be hiking by 5:30 - 6:30 to beat the heat. But we were lucky on that most days cloud cover came in around 11a.m. and kept us fairly cool. The temps were unseasonably below normal up to 15 degrees and we were happy for that.


Next day was a hike out to Clear Creek a long 10 miles along the Tonto Plateau after climbing out of the nott of the canyon. Our group had 2 thru-bikers from the Appalachian Trail (Maryland Edge and me) and 4 hikers new to the sport at varying degrees of fitness and pack weights. We ended up splitting up due to differing hiking paces. Edge stated back with Diane and Bill, while Roger, Jim, and I hiked ahead. We used a walkie-talkie to stay in touch. About 11a.m. Edge callled to say that Bill's hip belt buckle had broken and he and Diane were having a rough time so they'd gone to plan B. They were going to hike back to a rocky ledge that had large puddles of water and spend the night. We'd meet them back at Bright Angel the next day. This let the three of us continue on to Clear Creek. And what a hike it was. In and out of all the canyon's "hollers" - 15 of them before we hot to the red shale mountain that we had to traverse on a path no wider than my foot, often tilting downhill, with loose crumbling shale. Are they kidding?  Someone could get hurt or even killed out here!  In fact someone did the week we were there. A 69 yr old man fell off the Hermit Trail down 200 ft. And it took them a week to find him. Sure doesn't surprise me. Not a place for the faint of heart... Of the clumsy. While trying to find ruins back up Clear Creek that evening by myself, I was scrambling along a bank of loose dirt and rocks. And as I stepped on one rock I thought about it giving way under me.  And it did. Down I fell. Luckily it was only about 8 - 10 ft and I just scrapped up my thigh. Oops!  Better there than ok a cliff a thousand feet up... And we were on ones like that. Never did find the ruins but I was running out of daylight and had no clue where they were. The rangers won't tell you anything about them. I did get a skinny dip though.


Plane's boarding. Have to finish later.


Bag Lady

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